Posted on | December 9, 2013 | 1 Comment
It’s December & I went swimming@the beach.com this weekend! [Florida, you excellent bitch!]
Well, I’m back to share more old artwork w/ you. You loved the first batch so much I had to get right back to you w/ more. Aw, who am I kidding? The art will go unpeeped until the archaeologist finds it.
But I’m still here with more.
I just confessed to you all in the last blog that I had to abandon my beloved Twitter routine because i felt this pressure, this inadequacy when I spent too much ‘time’ ‘around’ highly successful, highly talented people (like APalmer & GWay). I am reminded of the dreams & goals & potentials I thought I had at one time in my life, and that can still make me a little bit regretful at times.
And I know I’m not alone in this. We all think we should be doing more, being more successful, more in control of owning the Universe we want. We all want more. Want. Want… Want. It’s endless…
If you allow it to be. But I have learned not to want so much. I learned after failing at Art School (like Hitler) my personal limits in this world.
Why am I not (a version of) Amanda Palmer? Because I have about one-thirtieth of her energy, and one-seventy-fifth of her courage, and probably I had about one-eleventh of the support from family, but even without that, if I’d had the first 2 things, I wouldn’t have even needed any support from anyone…
Why have I been drawing, painting, sketching, doodling fro 25 years, and still I’m the shabbiest of artists, nowhere close to being as precise & full of personality as Gerard?
Because I am probably not a person who would’ve ever been an artist if I didn’t have a mystery to solve. I am an artist out of need, not an artist with talent. I needed a way to say things that I couldn’t say out loud. And that was what art was for me. And perhaps for Gerard too, but he was way better at it. And I don’t know why that can still make me feel regret, inferiority…
Don’t get me wrong–these people INSPIRE me to no end. Usually. But spending every day with them on the boards was too much for my fragile male ego [; )]
But I guess what I wanted to say is…know your limits as well as your talents & potential. Don’t compare yourself to others. (I still do it).
As far as I can tell, I have about one-eighth of the energy of an average person. Most people can handle much more activity, noise, fast-pacedness, busy-ness than I can. So I probably appear to others to be an underacheiving sloth. But I can’t worry myself with how I ‘look’ compared to others. I look at the little list of things I’ve done & achieved this year & I couldn’t be happier…
What the fuck more does it need to be??